I spent most of yesterday trying to fill the day with "doing things" - some of which I authentically wanted to do, like go to the Noe Farmer's Market and my favorite yoga class. Other things were just space-fillers - activities I invented for myself to not feel bored or lonely. I am very good at entertaining myself in this way - I could probably spend 2 weeks alone in the woods and feel very busy with my own random adventures.
What I'm trying to learn is how to identify those activities that bring me genuine enjoyment and inspiration and weed them out from those that just kill time. I'm trying to learn the art of just sitting with myself, of putting the computer away and the camera down. To sit with the sometimes-awkwardness of being alone in the world and just letting it happen. Just being, observing, slowing down, getting quiet. It is in those moments that the random acts of kindness and spontaneous miracles find me (or at least I'm pay enough attention to finally see them).
Sunday mornings have always been my favorite time of the entire week for that exact reason. They are sacred to me. They feel like the only time in the week that I can allow myself a few hours of "not doing" and sit and listen to music or read.
I want more of this calm. Don't we all? And I have no idea what lifestyle changes I need to make in order to create it.
Until then, I'm savoring this rain against my window on this Sunday morning, a kitty on my lap and KFOG's beautiful "Acoustic Sunrise" radio show that is hitting just the right heart spots. If you're not a Bay-Area resident, you can listen for free online :)
I invite you to put the kettle on, keep your pajamas on and join me.